Today, we talked about what can happen when a family experiences stress.  Lauer and Lauer, in Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy, the 8th edition, published in 2012, write, "In fact, it is possible to turn the crisis into something that yields long-term, positive consequences...Reframing, or redefining the meaning of something, is a way of changing your perspective on a situation.  It isn't the situation that is changed but the way you look at it...You can see a crisis as an intruder that has robbed you of a measure of peace and happiness, or you can define the crisis as an obstacle that will ultimately lead to your growth as you overcome it..." (pp. 299; 304).  I want to use the concept of reframing for a couple of events that happened in my life.  I played basketball in high school, but it was a constant struggle.  I had multiple teammates that picked on me, which greatly decreased my self-esteem and confidence.  Looking back on those experiences and through conversations that I have had with my parents, I now see that I wouldn't be who I am today without that difficulty.  I feel for the underdog or for those who get left out.  In addition, I am very against bullying and will work hard to prevent it from occuring in my future classroom.  In addition, I also hurt my back while playing basketball.  I suffered from pain for a long time, but no one could figure out what was wrong with me.  This experience greatly increased my testimony of my Heavenly Father and Savior.  They know us and love us.  There were several times when I knew I wasn't alone.  Also, I was able to get through two semesters of college and a summer of work while suffering from mono.  Again, the experience gave me the opportunity to see the Lord's hand in my life, and also to feel more compassionate towards others who are suffering as well.  In addition, these experienes taught me a valuable lesson; I can do hard things!

Yesterday in class we talked about appropriate times to talk to children about their private parts and eventually the birds and the bees.  I have a couple of different ideas about when and how to talk to children.  First, I think parents need to be aware that each child is different.  Some children will need to have "the talk" before other children do.  For example, I avoided having the talk with my parents and chose to black out most of the things we learned in school about the topic until a couple of months before I got married.  I didn’t want to know about the topic.  My younger sister, on the other hand, goes to school and learns a lot from her classmates; she needs to have at least some things explained to her earlier than I did.  Second, parents need to treat the topic with respect.  It shouldn't be something that parents joke about.  In class, we also talked about the importance of parents being open about the topic.  Even though I am uncomfortable speaking about the topic, I would rather my children get correct information from me; as a result, as a peer mentioned, I need to show them that I am willing to provide them correct information when appropriate.  

On Thursday in class we talked about different strategies husbands and wives can use to make sure their marriage stays strong when a child enters their lives.  I really liked Brother Williams' advice to only have your spouse in the delivery room while you are having the baby.  I am going to take this advice; I talked to my husband about it, and he seemed surprised, but honored that I didn't want to have my mom in there too.  (My mom and I are really close.)  I also liked the optimism in our discussion; children can strengthen a marriage (Brother Williams and "Avoiding the Baby Blues").  Their coming to the earth doesn't need to make the marriage more difficult.  From our class discussion and the powerpoint we watched prior to class, it seems as though the more prepared we are for a child to enter our lives, the less problematic the situation will be (Brother Williams and "Avoiding the Baby Blues").  In Doctrine and Covenants, there is a scripture that points out this principle.  In chapter 38, verse 30, it reads, "If ye are prepared ye shall not fear."
(Information from Brother Williams, the PowerPoint presentation "Avoiding the Baby Blues," and Doctrine and Covenants 38:30)

Today in class we talked about the different reasons why people are attracted to each other and it made me think about the things that attracted me to my husband.  First, he would actually play basketball with me; I had wanted to play with someone for a while, and he actually played with me.  Second, we liked some of the same music.  Another thing that really stood out to me was the fact that he talked to his Mom almost everyday because he loved her.  He is an only child, and I was worried about how he would interact with children; I really want to be a mom and want a good dad  for my kids.  He came to my house to visit and got along really well with my little sisters.  Another thing that attracted me to him was his calm personality and his willingness to be there when people need him.  I'm sure there are many more things that I was attracted to; these were just some of the main characteristics.  And, since we've been married I've discovered even more wonderful attributes that I love and appreciate!

In our textbook, Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Robert and Jeanette Lauer, there is a quote that reads, "Two researchers found considerable gender stereotyping in their study of the characters in coloring books (Fitzpatrick and McPherson 2010).  Compared to the females, the males were more active, and were mainly depicted as animals, adults, or superheroes.  In contrast, the females were more likely to be shown as children or humans" (pp. 69-70).  People today can get really upset over issues like the ones the Lauer's mention.  I have never gotten too angry over these types of topics.  I strongly believe that men and women are different and that because of their differences, they have different roles and different strengths.  In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it talks about the different things that men and women should do.  It reads, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."  But, despite our differences, we still need to help each other because two different people can do a task better than one person if the two work together and try to get along.

Today in class, we discussed how family systems change when major life events occur.  This discussion made me think about my family and when and how roles have changed.  Roles changed when my mom had a surgery on her wrist.  I remember having to step up and take on some of the responsibilities that had always been my mom’s.  It was hard on me and my sisters emotionally.  We were all glad when my mom got feeling better and life went back to normal.  Then, life and family roles changed again when I left to go to college.  Before I left to go to school, I was the babysitter almost every Friday night while my parents went out on a date.  When I went to school, my other siblings had to step up and fill in this roll.  They also had to do chores that I used to complete.  I remember coming home when the semester was over and my sisters being so angry because I was living at home again, but didn’t have chores listed on the chore chart.  Now, I am married and will play even less of a role in my family back home.  But, despite the changes, I will work hard to stay close to them because I love them!

Today in class, we talked about different family theories, including conflict theory, social interaction theory, exchange theory, and systems theory.  We went into more detail in systems theory.  I want to apply some of the concepts of this theory to my own family.  First, my parents are a subset and my four younger siblings and I are a subset.  (Sometimes, all of us girls gang up on Dad and become a subset, while he is left on his own.  This isn't healthy.)  Next, our family has multiple different rules.  Some include the fact that all children will learn to play the piano and will continue to take lessons until they graduate from high school.  Another rule is that children work hard in school; bad grades are not acceptable.  Also, the whole family is expected to attend church together on Sunday. (There are many other family rules, these are just some examples.)  We also talked about the different roles family members play.  My mom is the family server.  (Don't take that the wrong way.)  She is constantly serving everyone in the family and trying to make everyone happy.  My dad is the family clown as well as the provider.  I am the oldest child, and had the role of being responsible and watching out for my younger siblings. (I don't live at home now.)  My next youngest sibling is a quiet child who stays out of trouble and wants to make those around her happy with her efforts.  My next youngest sibling is the "chiller."  She is calm and collected and is often trying to get people to relax when things get a bit heated in the family.  My next youngest sibling is the family "Energizer Bunny."  She likes to be active and enjoys telling jokes and making the family laugh.  My youngest sibling's role includes being sweet and creative.  She is constantly writing special notes to other family members or creating little art projects.  I love my family!  I wouldn't change my parents or siblings for anything.